Don't Mess With This Month Of Trying To Keep Our Kids In Line!

Calling just about all of the schools in the districts where the Canarsie Courier circulates is a tough job. Waiting to find out who to speak to, leaving them a message and then waiting for a call back - that we never get - is frustrating. This month it was particularly frustrating. October is National Anti-Bullying Awareness Month. There are variations of this title, but each school, I believe, has its own initiative aimed at creating a better learning environment for their students. What's really going to work???

As of last week, only ONE school has gotten back to us about anti-bullying efforts and programs. P.S. 276 on East 83rd Street invited me to capture their annual “Stomp Out Bullying” event, during which children gathered in the auditorium and took an oath, announced by Principal Yasmine Fidelia, that they would not engage in or promote behavior that interferes with their learning – and that they would report bullying to their elders and accept their peers' differences.Students made the promise and then took to the front of the school where they placed blue ribbons on a "Stomp Out Bullying" banner that was attached to a gate.

A promise is a promise...Sounds easy enough, right?

At the core of things, I've always wondered where do children initially learn that it's okay to torment and mock someone? Should we blame the adults for teaching them hatred? Where and when does a child even establish the idea that someone who is different than them deserves to be bullied?

Little Timmy can always get eye surgery...
Then, no more bullying!

Boys poked fun at me when I was younger -they pulled my hair and stuck gum under my seat. No big deal...Girls “bullied” me because I was quiet or because I didn't want to give them an answer on a test. One girl in junior high ordered me to meet her outside after class in the Bildersee schoolyard. At 13, seeing a girl slam her closed fist into the palm of an opened hand was enough bullying for me! I played no part in the drama, but later found out that this “bully” wasn't just targeting me, she had beef with tons of other kids in the school too!

Sorry to burst anyone's motivational bubble, but – much like gun violence- we can never do enough to stop bullying because everyone's reason for being a troublemaker is circumstantial. Some kids feel inadequate, so they mock someone else to feel better about themselves....Some kids have family problems that run so deep, all they can do is beat up on a kid in their class to resolve their inner-conflicts...Some kids grew up in families that never taught them how to get along with people who are different than them. Subsequently, if they come across someone who is of a different culture, who was born with a health or mental problem, or has some physical challenge, their first reaction might be to treat that person as a subordinate.

Let's get real! Adults are no better!

As far as this country has come in terms of “acceptance,” there are still adults who are known to throw around racial slurs and homophobic vocabulary. If they do this in front of their children, or they don't want their children spending time with those who are “different,” they internalize this and overhear our disapproval of those we “bully”- even during a passing conversation.

The media doesn't help either!

Six-year-old Gage Berger, of Utah, had plastic surgery on his ears recently because he was born with what looked like “elf ears”. The youngster was bullied in school for a long time before his parents decided that butchering his head and pinning his ears down was something that would give him more confidence. Really? If he didn't have any hearing problems, then what about as he grows older, is this child going to believe that anything can be fixed with a little nip/tuck?

So, here we are in Anti-Bullying Awareness month and we're telling children – not even teens – that not getting teased is as easy as going under the knife so you can impress everyone in class!

Instead of parents modifying their children, they should be meeting with the parents of those bullies and hashing out ways of punishing the bullies – NOT putting the victims on an operating table so they can be acceptable to their classmates.

Of course, bullying goes beyond poking fun of someone's physical traits. I was bullied because I was quiet and didn't follow the “rough” crowd. I was bullied because I looked smarter (looked being the operative word here, since I wasn't in any advanced courses) than the kids in my class. Were they jealous? Were they simply disrespecting the fact that I didn't want to be like them ...and why did they even care?

Programs in our schools can only help so much. By the time once class and grade of tormentors leave the building, another class is coming in. Teaching acceptance, tolerance and conflict-resolution is a great idea. But I'm thinking these kids need more than a mantra.

If you've every watched “Beyond Scared Straight,” - and if you haven't you should YouTube it – you'll see the perfect example of how at-risk youths are put to the test by adults behind bars. Inmates say such horrible things to the teens who are placed in jail for a day, that eventually, their resolve is broken down.

I propose the Department of Education (DOE) put money into a fully-functioning Anti-Bullying Boot Camp in every school or district where it's sorely needed. No, we don't want to lower anyone's self esteem, but let's get a team of therapists for those troubled kids and put them in their place! Let's sit these tormentors down in the cafeteria and smash food all over their bookbags and poke fun at THEIR imperfections without them being allowed to say anything. We can follow this up with a rigorous course of brainwashing – providing them with lessons on how to perform the best in THEIR lives and focus on THEIR learning and growth instead of picking on someone innocent!

If all of you educators out there think this is too brash, too harsh and too severe, then look at how bullying effects the victims. Some acts of torment leave a brutal emotional and psychological scar on kids and stay with them well into their adulthood. Some eventually turn to drugs, gangs or suicide because they're tired of not being accepted.

Alternatively, someone can bully the DOE into allocating money towards plastic surgeries and anything else that will ensure our children accept each other for who they truly are. 
It's only for one month – after that, we can stop harassing our educators...

UNPUBLISHED AND UNEDITED 10-3-15