When Courteousness Is Mistaken For A Dangerous Encounter

Walking to work Monday morning was like trekking through an urban version of Tales From The Crypt. My route was sheathed by a thick layer of fog and the visibility range made me glad that I wasn’t driving those few blocks. It wasn’t cold out, but it was certainly eerie.

As I walked along one of the avenues, a man walked alongside me and said, “Hello, good morning,” then mumbled a compliment – seemingly expecting me to reciprocate some acknowledgment of his existence. Instead of responding, even in an uninterested manner the way some women choose to do, I took a right turn and completely averted any communication with him.

Maybe I came across as being rude, self-absorbed or inconsiderate, but if you’re a sociable man in this community and you go around walking beside random women dishing out compliments just to get their attention, you obviously don’t read or watch the local news. Some men need to realize that their efforts at being “nice” and “courteous” are not appreciated when we read that a young girl was raped by someone who sidled up next to her for no reason.

Having lived here all my life, I remember when Canarsie was a community where everyone knew each other. You would see the same people on the same blocks every day and you knew their names, their families, and what their routines were.

As people from other communities and countries moved here and kept to themselves – instead of going outside every day to talk to all of their neighbors – long-time residents were less inclined to be polite. Some crimes even resulted from someone “looking” at another person the wrong way, or someone having a problem with the way they’re being approached. 

In ANY community that has high crime and rape rates – my question is: What do men expect when they approach a woman in the middle of the street? Do they really expect them to start a conversation under these impersonal circumstances?

Do these men read reports that clearly show young women as victims – on their way to and from work – who are suddenly approached by a stranger and the next thing you know, they’re either missing or another rape/attack statistic?

And do these men walk around Canarsie, and the surrounding areas, realizing that if they make one wrong move, a sketch of their face will be plastered everywhere on a wanted sign?

Even though most of the rapes and attacks in Canarsie statistically involved victims who may have known their assailants, men who are trying to be nice and courteous don’t seem to comprehend that women are, in turn, trying to protect themselves. Some of us aren’t interested in starting a conversation with a complete stranger who can potentially threaten our safety!!

Understandably, many Caribbean and Haitian men in our neighborhood may come from small, quaint communities where it’s commonplace to say hello and compliment a woman walking down the street. I can’t confirm whether they would follow a woman several blocks with hopes of getting more than a simple greeting.

However, they have a warm, welcoming politeness and casual social interaction that doesn’t really exist on city streets.

Outside New York City, there are thousands of communities where it’s safe to smile at a stranger – and then go about your way. But some men in the city who intend to be friendly don’t understand that women are conditioned to be suspicious of strangers approaching us. No woman wants to be mentioned in yet another newspaper headline. I certainly don’t want to be the subject of a headline in the very paper of which I’m employed!

One of the rape/attack incidents reported in our newspaper was in July 2011. According to local detectives, the rape took place on a Friday morning when a man followed a 13-year-old girl to her apartment and, officials said, pushed her inside and then took a knife from his belt and threatened her with it.

Even though reports said the girl didn’t indicate whether she knew her attacker or not, this public information makes women cautious of their social interactions with strange men. This is no longer a "small town community" where everyone knows one another. Women can’t afford NOT to be paranoid and “rude,” therefore ignoring suspicious males while walking the streets.

Don't take it personally, but if I ignore you as I’m expediently making my way to my destination, I'm only trying to survive in a community now scarred by crime and the potential danger of those who I’ve never encountered before.

It’s one thing to courteously say hello and go about your business – it’s another to follow a woman and aggressively walk beside her when you’re not welcomed into her personal space. 

 http://www.canarsiecourier.com/news/2011-12-08/Telling_It_Like_It_Is/Telling_It_Like_It_Is.html