“We won! We won!”
Sports fans all over the
place are getting ready to rejoice in victory…. For who?
Not themselves, of
course!
Football games are now on for
days at a time and everyone is prepping for Super Bowl Sunday. They’re making
plans to spend the day with friends and family – not something they’d do
ordinarily, mind you – and maybe bet on a game or two. They’re excited to see
“their team” – or at least the one they pretend to own – make it to the big
game. Some are going to hang out at tailgate parties eating fatty foods and
drinking so much beer they hope they’re not the ones who have to drive their friends
home.
Others are going to enjoy the
game from the comfort of their own homes, wearing a flashy jersey with someone
else's name on their back – because…well…because this player is someone whose
professional career had SUCH an impact on them that there’s no other way they
can express their gratefulness! Do you think the players are gonna wear YOUR
name on THEIR backs and thank you for helping them win?
What the hell did you really do – help them train or run
faster than the speed of light?
That’s right – I forgot, you just sat there on
your ass cheering them on!
The first time I tried to get
“into” sports, I was graduating from Bildersee Junior High School. The New York
Knicks were playing the Houston Rockets and all the seniors wanted to get home
from the ceremony to watch the game. All the hype… All the excitement! Kids
would ask me who I want to win, to which I’d ask, “Well, who’s better?” and
then they’d tell me which team I should be rooting for.
Sure enough, the team
we all supported for weeks was the team we rushed home to watch LOSE! Oh, no! “We’re” losers! Now “we’re” embarrassed!
That other state’s gonna make fun of “us”
for weeks!
GIVE ME A BREAK!
Nowadays, our team spirit is
expressed through short, personal – yet nonsensical posts – on social
media.
“Come on guys!”…
“Let’s go
already!”…
“I can’t believe I’m
watching this loss!”…
“Yeah, that’s
what I’m talking about – that’s how you play!”…
“What a game!”
It’s honestly embarrassing for me to read these posts
and sentence fragments when someone’s life won’t change in the least from a
game they’ve been glued to six hours.
Okay - I DO support watching professional games when you have a youngster in
the house who’s learning how to play a sport that will possibly turn into a
career goal. I have family whose children are into hockey and soccer – but
those are children who hope to make it into the pros one day and can learn from
watching players’ techniques and mistakes.
I can also understand
supporting a player who you grew up with – someone who once had undiscovered
talent and is now a household name. If you went to a local high school with
someone who made it big in pro football, it says a lot about the success
stories that come out of our community. I mean, here’s someone you personally saw working hard to make it
big! Were you physically there while Eli Manning hustled his way through
college? You’re wearing his number on your back for a reason – is he motivating
you to be a wide receiver?
In my humble opinion,
spectator sports are overrated. You’re putting all of your energy into an
activity in which you play NO role and, typically, you won’t learn from. Unless
you count one-one-one boxing, which could teach you how to defend yourself, or
something like strength training, which could show you different techniques on
getting in shape, sports such as football and basketball seem to exist to make
you a drone glued to your TV or mobile device.
I say we bring back REAL
sports – like from the Gladiator days when you participated in a sport to the
death! Gladiator games were a fierce testament of politically and societal
battles. While raw and brutal, Gladiators had to conquer beasts and facilitate
their personal strengths to earn respect. The reward was surviving numerous
one-on-one battles.
I’m personally relieved that
my boyfriend is not a sports fan or freak. While most men want to sit on their
asses while their wives cook up pre-game "specialties," and watch a game while shoveling food into their fat faces, my partner
enjoys spending the day outside, weather permitting.
“We’re winners”??? Who was at practice for
months at time? Who signed a deal with Jockey and agreed to hundreds of awful
endorsements even though their manager said it was a bad publicity move? Who’s
signing checks so they could pay for their mansion somewhere on a hill? And
who’s out there on the field every week making that money?
NOT YOU! You’re spending
every Sunday watching someone else succeed! Next time the Jets win the Super
Duper Bowl, remember to take a photo of yourself with the Vince Lomardi Trophy…
oh, that’s right, YOU didn’t actually
win. Dang…
Unpublished 9/25/2014
Whoa, Dara, I take umbrage with your mean-spirited analysis that exposes your misguided outlook about sports. To use a sports metaphor, you’re way off base.
ReplyDeleteProfessional and amateur sports thrill tens of millions worldwide and they also produce multi-billion dollar profits for franchise owners. However, when all is said and won, it’s only a game.
Some fans are rabid, some are geographical loyalists and some just follow their favorite teams as an extracurricular leisure activity. Moreover, it’s a pursuit of happiness, guaranteed to Americans in the Declaration of Independence.
First, only cricket “goes on for days.” American football is four quarters and maybe overtime. Baseball games tend to be nine innings. Even the most popular sport in the world – soccer – is only played for 90 minutes without overtime. Therefore, NO games “go on for days.” It may seem like that to occasional fans, non-sports addicts and you, due to media overkill before the Super Bowl, but the majority of games are over in a few hours. It’s the last out, the final buzzer, or whatever a particular sport uses to end the contest.
No fat lady sings, unless there’s an overweight woman who impulsively performs Steam’s “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Good Bye.”
Secondly, guess you didn’t know that gladiators also fought to the death, killing an opponent for sport to gain respect. Only ghoulish, sadistic people would find that entertaining. But, if that’s your guilty pleasure…
Lastly, it’s wholly improper to generalize that “most men want to sit on their asses while their wives cook” pre-game foods. Some guys – and some gals, who strongly oppose your analysis – probably order a pizza or two! As a matter of fact, some football wives vacate the premises for several hours on Sunday while their partners eyes are glued to the game. On the other hand, some women join their partners, if they, too, enjoy football or baseball or hockey or some other sport.
Besides, you kinda imply that sports fans tend to be hefty, another unfair generalization.
I understand your loathing of those who are devoted to sports, but your sweeping statements are unduly critical of those who are entertained by sports, whether at the game or on the couch. Furthermore, when one’s team wins, it is, despite your disagreement, a victory for fans’ too.
I consider your humble opinion merely myopic judgment. It’s an obvious understatement when you admit you “don’t get” spectator sports. You don’t sound like a winner when you’re such a bad sport about sports. You sound more like a raving Fox News talking head. Maybe even a part-time misandrist.
Why watch television? Why go to a movie? Why read a book? Do you have a problem with them? They, too, are leisure activities enjoyed by millions.
Nonetheless, I enjoy reading your columns and your new blog.